dec 18th

Helo,

Dec 17th was a bad day, there is many things i did that was wrong and i do hate myself for making the mess in my life ....

Met my partner at 7pm and it was not a good experience, i made my partner angry after saying something that was not plesant... i always thought my partner was a very nice and caring person that will "hong" me when i am angry ... but nevertheless, the mess i made has made my partner more irritated....

What had become of me? i really do not know already... is life just like this?

There are ups and downs , but who can really understand what i am thinking ... will the most worried thing in my mind come true ? i always apologise for the mess and my partner decides to leave me alone... although i tried my best to recitfy the mess, but i think there is a still a needle in my partner... how can ever resolve this ... if i relax, what is love then??

My partner told me, the ex was trying to love less, as the ex knows my partner following year will have a new partner, but my partner feels something was wrong..... why must my partner makes me feel something is wrong too lei?

Today, 18th dec, i was hm, as my partner wants to stay at home and do work.... i tried to be understanding and i stayed at home ..... i was worried, but i kept quiet ..... when i msg my partner, my partner was back in office without informing me.... my partner told me, went to take things in office, but is picking up the call difficult?

its a matter of half hour and already in gym ... it took half hour to send location to me .... how is the period while walking from office to gym? nv check hp? haiz... am i thinking too much ? or have anything happened.... should i just ignore it?

i really got no more power.... really ... does my partner really loves me ? there is not assurance anymore and i felt i am losing the drive to love.....

I do not want to let go so easily, but thinking whether should i really just drop everything and forget ..... i got a urge to find just someone to replace but eveything when i think of that, i feel it is not a good idea, because i still have my partner in my heart .... i always want to keep my promise and ensuring that my partner recognise my effort.....

I will continue to keep my promise till the last .... i am not sure what will happen next.... but the action my partner makes, it really making me upset but yet i cannot say anything becoz i do not want to make my partner angry .......

When will my partner makes me feel honoured and important than? how long should i wait for the good news?

i will wait ... because DD loves BB....

Alex